coreypattersonisadouchebag.com

That is all. Coreypattersonisadouchebag.com.

Hey BTW, where did you decide to go for your personal Vaca? If you are ever bored on Wednesday nights watch 30 days on FX. Its the Supersize Me guy doing mini-documentaries.

A Story.

This is a bit strange for Idea Thunderdome, but I figured what the hell. I have some spare time here at work so I decided to write a short story. A tale of life, death, and the Mach III razor. It goes something like this:

So yesterday I was at the park and I began to wonder aloud if there was a way to split the atom. Upon realizing that I had no fucken clue what the hell that even meant, I stopped and began to shave in the public water fountain. So that was the excitement of my day, shaving in a water fountain with rusty water and a Mach III razor, but whatever, I didn’t care, my life was all ready over.

I was continuing back to my camper when I saw a cast-iron grill that looked like it needed to be grilled upon, so I spent the next five hours trying to rub two sticks together in order to spark the charcoal that I later realized was non-existent. It was now 8 pm and I had accomplished very little, I began to get the feeling that I needed to shave again.

Making my way back to the water fountain with my Mach III, I began to think that the grass really ought to be cut, or more aptly put: trimmed. At this point I began the process of fashioning a rudimentary lawnmower. This consisted of my Mach III and the two sticks that I was trying to create fire with. Luckily I also had dental floss in my right front pocket so I was able to tie together the two sticks. After repeated bashes against the grill I had freed the three razor blades from my Mach III. I then began to tie the razors to the end of the sticks. I have, at this point, mutilated my fingertips beyond recognition, but damn IT if that grass was not going to be trimmed. This is a public park after all, and if the public does not take care of it who will. After several hours of floss, stick, and razor blade [insert picture] I came to the conclusion that the blood loss to this point is somewhat un-bearable. Suddenly I remembered an old parlor trick that I heard about, you can cauterize your wounds with fire, so back to square one with my rudimentary lawnmower. Apart went the sticks and I was back at my attempts to create fire. Now, with blood dripping down the sticks I feel as though I am going to pass out, which I do, and that is pretty much where the story ends.

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